


I’ll See You In My Dreams

by Lady_Darkness



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 never happened, Carry On Really Didn’t Happen, Castiel Deserves Better (Supernatural), Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Coda, Dean Winchester Deserves Better, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Episode 15x19, F/M, First Kiss, Fix-It, M/M, Unbury Your Gays, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27805654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Darkness/pseuds/Lady_Darkness
Summary: Right after episode 15x19, the boys are coming back from their car ride. They’re happy they made it through alive, but there’s some work yet to be done. Or is there?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester (background)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 26





	I’ll See You In My Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> A post 5x19 fix-it coda. 5x20 NEVER HAPPENS. I refuse to accept that whatever-it-was as canon. Fuck that. 
> 
> This starts about 15 hours after 15x19. The boys have gone for a long drive to clear their heads and to mentally prepare for whatever comes next. Neither of them has given up on their found family. Sam has been in contact with almost everyone via text. Everyone’s fine, but no one has seen Castiel. Dean is getting more and more desperate, but he’s trying not to show it.

They were on the way back to the bunker early the next morning. Sam was happily texting with Eileen, updating her on how everything had gone down with Chuck and staring out of the window with that weird, dreamy puppy look in his eyes.  
  


Taking out Chuck had been no worse than taking out any other monster they’d battled before. In the end, they beat him. Sam, Dean and Jack. Team Free Will minus one had done it again.   
  


In his relief after being freed from Chuck’s cruel storytelling, Dean hadn’t even thought of asking Jack to bring back Cas. As he watched Sam’s softening features the longer he talked to Eileen, his stomach churned.

_“I love you.”_

There was no amount of booze, no hangover, nor a kick in the head strong enough to erase those words from his mind. In a desperate attempt to alleviate the pain in his chest, he let out a deep breath and gripped the steering wheel tighter. Cas’ tears tore at Dean’s heart, they would probably haunt him forever. His sacrifice had saved Dean’s life yet again, but he hadn’t been able to speak as his best friend was taken by that dark entity. Of course he loved him, but what shape that love was taking, Dean didn't know. He'd never considered Cas to be anything but a close friend, a brother. Taking another deep drink from the flask he kept in the Impala for just these occasions, he looked over at Sam with a smile on his face. At least he was still there, safe as he would ever be, and hopefully soon reunited with Eileen.  
  


Sam had fallen asleep with his face against the window, his phone lighting up in his lap. Dean smiled wanly, his baby brother deserved rest. He grabbed Sam’s phone and texted Eileen to make sure she wouldn’t worry again. He then dropped it on the seat next to Sam.   
  


Feeling safe with Sam deep under, Dean allowed a few tears to escape. They were by no means the violent sobs that had wrecked his body right after Cas had been taken. His stomach tightened, fighting against the alcohol he had imbibed during the drive. He’d seen the pity in Sam’s eyes each time he grabbed the flask, but his brother hadn’t said a word. Dean squinted his eyes in Sam’s direction. Maybe he already suspected what was going on underneath, for he’d been extremely quiet and subdued.  
  


Dean kept his eyes on the road while shooting a prayer in Jack’s direction. He sneakily glanced upward through the windshield, but the early morning sky didn’t change. There was no sign that Jack was listening, but he knew had to try. He'd blown it by not asking to get him back as soon as Jack had announced he was the new god, he'd really done it this time.   
  


“Jack... kid...”   
  


Dean sighed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. His head was spinning with every thought he tried so desperately to keep down. If he let any of those in, if he allowed any of his regrets to seep through, he knew he'd be done for. Without much hope, he fought against the tears that threatened to fall faster, blurring his vision. Slowing down the car, he looked up to the night sky. He started speaking in a harsh whisper, not caring if he woke Sam up from his slumber.   
  


“Can you get him out? Please?”, his voice broke and after a deep breath he continued, “I’ve never asked for anything for myself in my life, but could you please do this for me, for Cas. He doesn’t deserve to rot in the empty. He saved me yet again, please...”  
  


The road started to get more and more blurry, at the speed Dean was going, it probably wouldn't take long before something would happen. Sam remained asleep, exhausted after all that had happened in the last few days. If Dean's frantic driving didn't wake him up, a crash probably wouldn't either. Pushing the pedal further down, going faster and faster, Dean felt less and less aware of his surroundings. The effects of the alcohol were slowly seeping in, clouding over his mind and dulling his reactions. Dean realized he would end up sticking in the side of the road if he didn't slow down right now. He dragged himself out of the haze the whisky was putting him in and focused on the car and the road. With a final effort, he pulled over on a stretch of deserted road and allowed sleep to overtake him. The last thing he heard was Sam’s soft snoring.   
  


_“Hello, Dean”_

_That voice, Cas’ voice, coming from somewhere behind him. Dean slowly sat up and took a good at his surroundings. The cold of the floor seeped through his pants, causing him to shiver involuntarily. How could he be back in the bunker? Didn’t he just pull over to take a nap in the Impala? Why was he here?  
  
_

_A sense of panic started to rise as he realized exactly where in the bunker he was. The only room he’d avoided like the plague ever since The Empty had taken his angel from him. Dean snorted. Since when had he started to refer to Cas as ‘his angel’? Sam would have a field day if he found out, but then again, he'd been making innuendos since forever, sometimes even dragging Eileen down with him.  
  
_

_Dean didn’t see Cas, he only heard his voice, deep and gravelly as it had been when he... He shook his head. This couldn’t be real.  
  
_

_“Cas? Where are you?”, he asked softly, trying not to let the feeling of dread rise in his throat and take over. He found himself doing breathing exercises Donna had once taught him to calm down, to find his center or whatever she'd called it. His heart rate went down and he listened and looked around to find where the voice was coming from.  
  
_

_“At peace, I am where I belong.”  
  
_

_Cas’ voice sounded like it had sounded twelve years ago, in that barn, detached and sure of himself and his superiority. Dean suppressed a smile when he thought of the old Cas, the morally superior angel of the lord, who was going to command the army in the fight against dark forces. Castiel, the angel of the Lord who had fallen for humanity. Not even Chuck had been able to predict that. Or was it really one human instead of humanity?  
  
_

_Dean involuntarily touched his sleeve, where Cas' bloody handprint remained._

_“Where is that? Can we get you out?”, he asked, both intimidated and deflated, "Cas? You still there?"  
  
_

_Dean frantically looked everywhere, trying to find a trace of the angel, but failing miserably. A burning sensation made itself known in his stomach, not unlike he’d experienced when he thought he was having a heart attack as an old man. His heart rate went up, making him feel nauseous and nervous. It wouldn't take long before he'd start to pant and sweat either. With a deep breath, he tried to focus on his surroundings. The room looked the same as it had the last time he and Cas were there, so he knew he'd better start looking at the same place Cas had been taken.  
  
_

_He knew that if he closed his eyes, he could feel Castiel’s presence off and on. He wasn't alone in here, not by a long shot. The Empty might have been devoid of life and sound, but it hadn't been able to contain Cas' energy the first time around. Dean was hoping it would be the same this time._

_Then it hit him. He was asleep, he was in the car, on a stretch of road a few hours from the bunker, he knew that. So maybe, this really was Cas, maybe it wasn't some fever dream. Like so many years earlier, his angel was trying to communicate with him in his dreams. He decided to try and wait for a reaction.  
  
_

_“Cas, I’m here. We will get you out of there, you know, we’ll get you out, no matter the cost.”  
  
Talking to himself was strange, but it wasn't as if he hadn't done that many times before. The voices he heard were usually real, none of that 'it's all in his head' crap. He closed his eyes again to allow his surroundings in, to become aware of every bit of energy in the room, in his mind. His heart fell as he felt a cold rush of wind in his neck.   
_

_“Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.”  
  
_

_Cas’ words reverberated in the room, but this time the voice was distorted. There was a sarcastic, disapproving tone to it that hadn’t been there when Cas had originally spoken them.  
  
_

_"Shut up, you're not Cas," he said, his voice tight with anger. He knew it was the Empty, trying to get a rise out of him. Maybe Cas was inside, making too much noise._

_Dean turned around to where the sound had come from, and there it was. A mass of black tendrils shot out of the wall and touched his face in a mockery of a tender caress. Dean pulled back and scrunched his nose in disgust.  
  
_

_“CAS!! Are you there?”, he yelled, trying to grab onto anything, but failing miserably. The tendrils pulled back as soon as Dean’s hands even got close.  
  
_

_The black pit was quiet, except for a whimper Dean could clearly hear.  
  
_

_“I love you.”  
  
_

_This time the voice was exactly like Cas', including the pain and happiness he'd shown that day. Dean's heart skipped a beat, there was nothing he wanted more than to see his friend again._

_"Jack, please...," he begged silently._

_Dean could only look on as the entity disappeared in the same way it had shown itself only moments ago. In its stead stood Cas, wearing the same loving and sad expression he had the last time Dean saw him. His breath hitched, but now he knew what to do. He took one step towards the angel, holding out his arms to envelop him in a hug.  
  
_

_“I love you too, Cas,” he choked out, as the smiling image of the angel blurred before he could wrap his arms around him.  
  
_

The glare of the early morning sun snatched Dean brutally out of his dream. His throat closed up when he realized Cas wasn’t there. Feeling deeply ashamed of his silly prayer and the tears that had fallen subsequently, he looked to his right. Sam was still fast asleep in the passenger seat, seemingly oblivious to Dean’s small breakdown earlier that night.   
  


When Dean tried to grab the flask again, he found Sam’s hand on his wrist, disapproval and sadness written all over his face. 

“Stop it, man. You’re going to get us both killed. Let's go home first.”  
  


A surge of anger shot through Dean. He'd recognized the pity in Sam's tone, and it pissed him off. His fist clenched by his side, he forced himself to not just hit Sam to get him off his ass. He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. This was not a fight he was going to get in now, he needed to be clear-headed to take Sam on. He knew his brother would make him open up about what happened in the end, but this was not the time. They still had work to do. He sat up straight and shot Sam a dirty look. Letting go of his anger, he sat up straight.   
  


“You know what, baby brother? You’re right,” he said, causing Sam’s eyebrows to disappear into his hairline.   
  


He grabbed the door handle and got out of the car. His legs were unsteady as he walked over to the passenger’s door and pulled it open. He gave Sam a push so he was sprawled between both seats.   
  


“Scoot over, Sammy. Drive us back home. We’ll figure things out from there,” he exclaimed with false courage, “We have an angel to find!”  
  


Dean could feel Sam’s worry coming off him in waves, but he refused to address it. Whatever he felt for Cas wasn’t up for discussion. Hell, he didn’t even know what it was. All he knew was that part of his soul was missing, again, and that the only way to get it back was to find that damn angel and to bring him home safely. This time Chuck wouldn't get any say in that, he couldn't keep him from getting to Cas in the Empty.   
  


“You gonna drive or what?” Dean grumbled as Sam didn't move behind the wheel, but kept looking out of the window. He startled when he felt Sam's hands grab his leg with more force than necessary. Sam’s face was expressionless, but his eyes were on fire. His pupils were dilated and his breathing became shallower the more seconds passed. He looked like he was about to pass out. Dean waved his hands in front of Sam's face, but there was no reaction. He just kept looking.  
  


“Sammy?” he called, and when no reaction came, he shook Sam’s shoulder roughly. Sam’s mouth fell open, but no sound came out.   
  


Dean looked in the direction Sam was currently staring in, knowing the bunker was only a few hours away.   
  


The magnificent glow of a golden rainbow shone right over where they knew the bunker was, like a huge road sign. The immense light show went accompanied by a loud crack that made Dean smile. He could make out all the different colors clearly in the sky, he could almost smell them. The warmth that enveloped him caused the hairs on his arms to stand up straight. His eyes widened as he realized what was happening. This had to be... no, it couldn't be... He snapped back to his dream, and the prayer he’d said to the 4 am sky only a few hours earlier. Could it be that Jack heard him? He swallowed slowly, trying to banish the aftertaste of the whisky and to clamp down on the most terrible feeling of them all. Hope was insidious, it could make you go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, and Dean had no taste for it. He'd always preferred to live his life as real as possible, to not let silly hopes carry him away into fantasies that did no one any good.  
  


Yet this was different, he could feel it to his bones, and for once, he allowed it in. For once in his life, Dean believed. He believed he deserved this. Cas deserved this. After everything he’d done for the world and the Winchesters, he deserved to get what he wanted most. And maybe, just maybe, it was what Dean wanted most too.  
  


_“Because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have.”_

For all his previous confusion and hesitation, Dean found he returned Cas’ feelings fully. His heart skipped a beat when he thought of his friend’s face, the dark mop of hair and his clear blue eyes. There was nothing Cas couldn’t have if it were up to Dean. He imagined what it would be like to cup his face, to feel the roughness of his cheeks against his palm. The thought of tracing his upper lip with his thumb, before capturing his mouth in the softest of kisses made Dean blush. He tried to hide the twinkle in his eyes, but one look at Sam's face told him he failed terribly so he gave up fighting it.  
  


A soft smile settled over his features as he got inside the car and shoved Sam so he was behind the steering wheel.  
  


“Take us home, Sammy. There’s no speed limit for those who have beaten the powers that be.”  
  


Sam’s eyes were wide, holding all kinds of questions, but Dean settled in against the window and promptly fell asleep, probably helped by the amount of alcohol in his system.   
  


_Dean walked through a field of some sorts, covered in floating beehives. A rain of fire started coming down as soon as he saw the lone beekeeper at the other side of the field. The figure was desperately trying to get the last two hives off the ground so they could float with the others, safe from the fire and debris.  
  
_

_Dean looked in the man’s direction, trying to catch his eyes, but every time it looked like he would be able to see them, more fire hit the man’s suit, causing him to shrink in on himself. Dean made it just in time to see his white coat go up in flames, leaving him in just a plain white shirt, unprotected from both the fire and the bees. He didn’t hesitate and covered the man’s body with his. His hands found the beekeepers’ where he held the hive. Without an effort, the hive went up in the sky.  
  
_

_While the other man caught his breath, Dean quickly grabbed the second hive and found it heavier than anything he'd ever tried to lift. Paying no heed to the bees flying around his head, he kept trying to lift the hive to save it. His legs shaky and his hands sweaty from the effort, he thought he wouldn’t make it in time, but there was no way he was giving up. He felt that it was more important than anything that he got this right, that he got the hive off the ground. The scorching winds accompanying the hail of fire burned his eyes and his skin, breathing got harder and harder each second that passed, but he didn't give up.  
  
_

_He closed his eyes against the pain and kept trying until he felt something give. Two warm, ungloved hands covered his in a soft caress. The hive came off the ground like it was nothing. As it floated away, Dean looked at the hands now just holding his lightly. With a gentle smile he then looked up, straight into the bluest eyes he’d ever seen, eyes he’d recognize anywhere.  
  
_

_“Cas,” he breathed, swallowing the tears that threatened to fall.  
  
_

_“Hello, Dean,”  
  
_

_Dean looked at their hands again, now tangled together, without a trace of the burns that had started to form while he’d been fighting to get the hive off the ground. He gently squeezed and chuckled when he felt’s Cas’ hands grip his just a little tighter. Leaning in to touch his forehead against the angel’s, he let down all of his defenses. They were better off working together, whether it was to catch monsters or to take a shot at that life he’d wanted for a while now.  
  
_

Dean awoke to the sound of the Impala’s brakes screeching as Sam stopped the car in front of the bunker. He sat up groggily while trying to figure out what was happening. Sam jumped out of the car, running toward the beige Mustang that was parked right in front of them. Dean covered his eyes with his hands and groaned. He shouldn't have drunk this much, it never helped him feel better, but it seemed like it was his favorite coping method every time he lost Cas. His head was pounding and he knew it wouldn’t take long before he’d be worshiping on the porcelain altar.   
  


Dean’s smile widened as he saw Sam grab Eileen and pull her close to him. Seeing his baby brother happy had always meant the world to him, and he got his fill right now. Sam smiled through his tears, both speaking and signing at the same time. Eileen looked just as happy as Sam did, her tears flowed freely while they both tried to talk and kiss at the same time. Resolved to give the two lovebirds their privacy, Dean quietly got out of the car. With a quick wave and a smile for Eileen, he went inside. He knew Sam would follow as soon as he had composed himself.  
  


The bunker seemed the same as when they last left it, but Dean could smell the difference. A whiff of ozone, as well as his own shampoo mixed with frying bacon... his stomach revolted when he smelled food, but in his heart, he knew who would be waiting in the kitchen as soon as he found the courage to go there.   
  


Cold feet? Now? Why would he get cold feet? This was Cas, his friend, his not-quite-brother, his... his angel. The one who had sacrificed his life again to save Dean’s, the one who saw through all of his bluster and bravado and still chose to love him, against his upbringing and everything he had stood for the first four million years of his existence. Imagining Cas standing at the stove, cooking Dean’s favorite breakfast, was the image that did it.   
  


Taking the stairs three at the time, Dean barrelled down to the kitchen. His head pounded and his stomach felt like it would make an unwelcome appearance any second now, but he didn’t care. He made it to the kitchen in no time. In a swift move, he threw the door open and looked inside.   
  


This time there was no deception, no Lucifer waiting for him like last time. Cas stood at the stove, wearing a white shirt. His trenchcoat was hanging over one of the chairs. He was obviously startled by the sound, but Dean could see him catch himself before the surprise showed on his face.  
  


Their eyes met, green looking for blue, and before he realized it, Dean walked up to Castiel and hugged him fiercely. He buried his face in Cas’ neck like he'd never done before.   
  


“I missed you, you dick,” he breathed deeply, inhaling Cas’ scent like a drowning man, “you can’t do that, you know? You can’t drop a bomb like that on a man, and then just get sucked into the Empty.”  
  


Dean’s eyes filled with tears as he saw Cas’ eyes, he too was blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. Moving slowly, almost hesitantly, he lifted his head to touch Cas' cheek. The scratchy sensation was strange at first, he hadn't held a man's face like this in many years, but seeing how Cas melted in his touch made his heart swell. He brought up his second hand and gently started stroking Cas' wrist, just a delicate touch on his skin, and made his way up to his shoulder to rest there.

"Cas, I...," Dean started, but the angel gently placed his index finger on his mouth.

"You don't need to speak, Dean. I heard you in your dream. It was your dream, our connection in that dream that allowed me to get away from the Empty. Your words, your feelings, made me see my sacrifice meant nothing if you ended up broken and defeated....again."

Dean chuckled and nipped playfully at the finger still covering his mouth. He caught Cas' hand with his and softly caressed it, mirroring the actions of the angel in his dream earlier. 

"So what you're trying to say is that you annoyed a cosmic being so much it kicked you out, two times in a row?"

Cas smiled, and this time the smile reached his eyes. Dean's breath hitched as he looked at the man in front of him. There was not a trace left of the scruffy-looking, inexperienced but battle-hardened angel. Cas' eyes were soft, filled with tears. His mouth was turned up in a dazzling smile, and he looked unbearably soft. 

Before he could allow doubt to take over again, Dean pulled him closer so their mouths were only inches apart. He licked his upper lip, looking at Cas' parted mouth. He felt at peace when he claimed the angel's lips in a soft kiss. When he pulled back, he just gazed into Cas' blue eyes before he couldn't hold it anymore and went back in for another kiss. He could do this all day, for the rest of his days. 

His lips were raw and kiss-swollen when he finally let go and rested his forehead against Cas'.

"I love you too," he said, his voice rough with emotion. Cas' arms tightened around him as he held Dean close, catching him in a warm embrace. Dean could feel Cas' lips touch his neck, kissing him there softly. He let out a deep sigh as he felt his body relax into the embrace. 

"Cas?", Dean said, sniffing, "Did you put out the fire under that bacon earlier?"

"I am an Angel of the Lord, Dean Winchester," he said with barely suppressed humor in his voice, "I can take care of a burning pan of bacon."

Dean laughed as Cas threw the pan off the fire and into the sink, making yelping noises every time his hand touched the hot metal. Still shaking with laughter, he grabbed Cas' arm and pulled him close again. 

"Don't ever change, Cas. Don't ever change."

Cas melted in his embrace for the second time, and Dean genuinely wondered if they would ever be ready to let go of each other to do normal, everyday stuff. 

Neither man seemed to pay attention when the door to the kitchen opened to let Sam and Eileen in. Dean grinned in the kiss as he noticed Sam's face fall when Eileen patted her breast pocket.

"Pony up, Sam," she signed before placing a sweet kiss on his cheek, "you lost."

The dazzling smile on his baby brother's face as he handed over the money was worth it though, Dean had never seen Sam this happy in all the years they'd spent together. With a last squeeze he let go of Cas and moved back a bit so he could embrace both Sam and Eileen as well. Maybe everything they'd been through had been worth it, just so they could end up right here. He hugged his brother tight with his one arm while pulling Cas close with the other one. His lips found the angel's earlobe, and he kissed it softly. 

**Author's Note:**

> I totally stole the title from one of my favorite songs ever, by a band called Giant.


End file.
